11 April 2009

Craig and his funked up list

A new week, a new funked up adventure, whats different this time? Well nothing, essentially, so allow me to proceed to the most funked up list the world has ever seen.

Can anyone please tell me who the funk Craig is, and why does he deserve his own list? What is his list about even? The only Craig's I can think of are:
Craig Reucassel - one of the funnier Chaser boys
Craig McLaughlan - A hack of an actor
Craig Conroy - Left the Flames for Los Angeles, only to come back again as he missed his high points courtesy of Calgary Flames superstar Jarome Iginla.

So, going on my calculations it would have to be one of these guys who came up with this stupid list. Anywho, I was looking at apartments in Melbourne this last week, and came across three on this 'list'. I wrote to all three, in the hope that I could find something of interest. I get the first reply 5 minutes after emailing this guy. The lovely and very caring man wrote back so quickly, to let me know that he was a Christian missionary serving in West Africa. How caring! He also sent pictures of a very 'hotel' looking apartment in the centre of the city, he was looking to rent out for $800 a month. BARGAIN! The next day I get a second reply, yet another Christian missionary doing Gods dirty work for him in West Africa...and the third, much the same, only labelling it a 'crusade'. Likening yourself to Indiana Jones/Harrison Ford never goes too far with me. Or perhaps was he trying to be Monty Python. On that note, to always look on the bright side of life, we acknowledge that Craigslist is a crock for apartments. Probably should have learnt my lesson, as around a year ago I was searching for jobs before i was recommended Craigslist in Stockholm. After applying for a travel agency job, I found someone quick to tell me I had the power to start my own travel agency and make millions in only hours. Wonderful, all of these opportunities could solve all of my life problems in just minutes. I never replied, but they kept on writing back encouraging me that the best thing I could do with my life is start a travel agency, and pay for their startup kit. Got a feeling, the bank account was probably lined up to some missionary station in West Africa, or something.

Anyways, being so depressed by all these Christian Missionaries saving the world in West Africa, I decided the best thing I can do for myself is find myself a nice Lesbian, for while my girlfriend is at university. Craigslist is also good for this, you can find women seeking women or even missed connections. After my inability to find any lesbians in all of Sweden (they must not exist, like there are no gays in Iran), I started searching for a missed connection. A guy from Florida was looking for a girl from Stockholm, the city of bikes who works at McDonalds. So I wrote to him, to suprise him that I have filled his dreams and hopes of finding me. I also let him know I made a record 6 Big Macs in one minute. He was impressed, before he also let me know he was a born again Christian missionary in West Africa. He needed some money to continue his pilgramage, however unfortunately for him, my 'McDonalds salary' doesn't quite cover his work. Too bad, but I told him, next time he was in Stockholm to contact me. Name: Linda Rosing, phone number 0755-callmenow.

1 comment:

  1. How funny!!!
    As you know, I'm job hunting still - so I did what I always do, visit uncle Craig and his list. I applied for a Tutoring job (Tutor required urgently) and this is the response email I got from "Dr Kelly":

    Hi Michelle,

    Thanks for the response to my ad posting for a tutor position and thanks also for the details contained. I am glad you are interested in tutoring my daughter as I am yet to find a tutor for my kid.


    Well, she is 11 and a bright kid. At present, she is in Scotland and been taken care of by her Nanny. She will be coming to Canada soon and she has not been schooling for the past few months due to constant move.
    I am therefore needing the services of a Tutor who would assist in keeping her academic skills updated as soon as she arrives in Canada..this is why I want that arranged down prior to her arrival.

    As for my Daughter, her name is Cherry and I am sure you will easily get used to her as she is quite friendly. Also, she will be with her Nanny whom she is already used to and has been taking care of her for few years, so there will always be someone around to assist if the case is needed.
    I am a single father and her Nanny has been with her for many years now.
    I will not be around during the first few weeks of her arrival as I am presently on a business vacation in the Islands.

    Your experience seems ok enough considering the fact that she is still in the lower level and developing stages of learning .
    Before we make any arrangements, I would like to feed you with some more details and I also have some questions:

    * Where would be convenent enough for the tutoring to take place? Her nanny can easily drop her off at a location of your choice or you could be coming over as she would be located within your City... Whichever is best for you, let me know.

    * As an 11 yr old kid, what grade / comprehension level do you think would be advisable to start her tutoring at? I am thinking maybe just about the 6th grade.

    * You would be assisting in her basic science, test prep, english skills and general moral aspects... when I say moral aspects, it could be oral so as to help develop her communication skills, enhance her maturity and social interacting skills.

    I hope you have a better understanding of the whole situation now. So kindly respond to this message and let me have your response. Also, I would like you to go through it and let me know / confirm your charge per hour for the services you would be rendering by tutoring my daughter. Like I stated before, I want to have everything pre-arranged before her arrival.

    So I will be awaiting your response. Once I receive it, I would review and send you a reply with further details and final arrangements.

    Thanks a lot once again and be in touch soon.

    Regards.
    Dr. Kelly

    I wondered for a bit why Dr Kelly would bother contacting me if my qualifications were "ok enough" to tutor his almighty daughter... but then, I came to the conclusion that he was attracted to the fact I had a theology background as he's probably a missionary doing "god's work" on the islands somewhere!

    Decided not to bother responding to Dr. Kelly - his daughter sounds like a pretentious prat anyways :P

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